Successful but unhappy.

As you sound like a gamer, think of it as a game...

You've reached the end of Level 1 "financial independence" ;-) That is worth a big celebration. You also took a break and are refreshed and itching to make something new.

So now on to Level 2 "Doing It Because You Love It". The game starts today. Start playing with new stuff, tinker with new ideas. Chat to fellow IH'rs about trends and what's cool and doing well. Maybe this time find a fellow hacker to join forces with - to get the social element back - being an entrepreneur can be very lonely as many of us know!

But because you are not in a mad rush to make the money, set yourself a limit on hours per week - nothing too low or you'll get bored, but nothing silly so you have time for family and friends.

Sounds like Hedonistic Adaptation to me. You set goals. Achieve them. Gain momentary pleasure and then get used to the new normal. You seem to have run out of goals to achieve.

This happened to me in Academia during my PhD. I published a paper, was really happy for a week. Then I published a second and was happy for a few days. Then, papers 3-12, talks at conferences, posters, drinks/dinner with other scientists, fancy hotels, and I felt empty. I was by all accounts a very successful graduate student, then professional scientist with patents, and what was next for me?

I realized the next rung in the mountain is to be a manager or try and become an executive. Launch a bigger product. Capture more money for my employer. Ideally, become financially independent. I played all this out and kind of reached what you have described in my head even.

The points where I have found the most happiness that has lasted is when I was teaching and mentoring other people. Some of my former students have gone on to start companies and take exits and become much more successful than me. This has made me very happy. I realized teaching and mentoring are more useful to me than being a great scientist.

It's one of the reasons I started a newsletter about my specific field of polymer chemistry. I'm hoping to take this ability to mentor and interact to more people that just what I had in academia or what I currently have in industry.

Anyway, not sure if this is helpful. I hope you figure it out.

I am nowhere near your situation so not rly fit for giving advices but what I think a good starting point would be to:

1. Focus on your relationships
2. Get fit!

Good luck, you'll get through it.

I've made a decent chunk of change from Indie Hackers. A lot more than I ever thought I would when I started. But I still find a lot of meaning in working, because my goals have evolved as I have:

• 2015, tinkering with stuff: "Find a way to make passive income"
• 2016, starting IH: "Generate enough income to become self-sufficient"
• 2017, acquired by Stripe: "Build the biggest and best community for founders"

And I'm still working on that. It feels like a life mission. Or at least a 5-10 year mission.

I got super lucky that I happened to start something that actually feels cool, and fun, and meaningful, and challenging to work on at the same time. I like talking to founders and helping them out. I like building a social network piece by piece. I like all the web dev and design stuff. I like knowing there's a path to building something super meaningful and ambitious. I like that getting there means I have to constantly learn, and meet new people, and become more visible and confident.

It sounds like you might need something like this… another business, potentially.

But not a drab one that exists just to make enough money to give you your freedom. An exciting one that, as it grows, changes the world and changes your life in a way you find fulfilling.

How do I feel alive again?

It's simple but effective. Break your routine.

This is how i feel when my routine gets too much. You need a change of environment, at least for a few days.

I'd say travel a bit but it can be challenging nowadays. If you can, take a trip to a cabin in the woods or see some nature (Covid safe).

That should give you some perspective and what you really want to be doing.

I highly recommend the TED talk about a 75-year-old study on happiness and satisfaction: https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness

Start investing in other startups or buinesses, and help them grow. With a few thousands per month, you can definitely seed some micro-startups to help them get off the ground, and build some equity in the process.

Hey @jackofall I just wrote some thoughts here https://www.indiehackers.com/post/the-why-behind-the-what-fbc7d5df2c

I know how you feel - I had the same for many years and still have but not in an intense way.

The way I solved it was with weekly therapy sessions. This is the best investment I've done in my life the 28 years that I've been alive. And I keep doing them.

The "solution" is complex and a mix of things. It's about learning how to celebrate the wins (small or big), learning how to slow down, learning how to be in the moment without chasing any goal, learning how to focus on expressing yourself through creativity and not just solving problems for others and most of all learning how to listen and observe yourself.

I am not saying I've solved everything and I don't think I'll ever do. Life for me is a constant pursuit of balance. Things change every day and your goal is to keep everything balanced so that you can feel happy and calm. For example lockdown happened and now we need to find ways to balance our needs for social interaction.

I hope I helped and thanks for sharing these! I always enjoy this kind of deep conversations :)

I've stopped meetings friends, going out with my family, being social.

Sounds like you answered the question yourself.

Do those things. It might feel awkward and uncomfortable since you haven't done it in a long time. But sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something. And it sounds like you miss being social.

Hello Sagar! Thank you for sharing, your transparency is refreshing. From what you wrote, it sounds as though something remarkable is right around the corner. Your desire to search for what fuels and sustains you is admirable and there's no way that you won't find what you are searching for. Personally, when I feel a bit stuck, I try to move in sync with my curiosity. With this posture, suddenly the littlest things can feel profoundly invigorating. I am excited to see where your curiosity takes you. If you ever want to talk, I would love to be your friend + cheer you on from the other side of the world! Feel free to reach out at any time (@courtneyruth).

Help other people achieve their goals/dreams. Teach what you know. Connect with other people one-on-one. Take the 'I', 'me' out of the questions you're asking at the end :)

Sagar, I highly recommend you to spend 10 days trying the Vipassana Meditation course. They have centers worldwide and it is a life-changing experience for me.

You passed your time to win money.

Now you may want to start to change the world to make it better. A very different challenge. Elon Musk's style.

Well, i am not judging you but...financial independence does not mean to buy stuff just because you can.

Material things will give you a moment of happiness, if even that,...

Personally, I would try to learn something that actually interests you, outside your comfort zone. Let's say..psychology...?

What about, triathlon, biathlon?

Learning a craft...could do good too.

Good luck!

Thanks for the honest share, Sagar.

One's life and actions are driven by the search for meaning.

Meaning provides fulfillment and purpose to the individual based on the principles to which the individual's life is aligned.

This includes how he sees himself, his relationship with the events of life, and his worldview.

Goals that were previously considered meaningful sometimes lose value when reached - why? Because the principles that they were aligned to were not powerful enough.

The pursuit for pleasure - as exciting and driving it can be - is ultimately one that depletes the mind. Because the pursuit of pleasure never ends in fulfilment.

It is only temporarily satisfied - but always anticipating, always seeking that which is outside of itself. It leads one into a 'me, me, me' loop - where every action and choice is motivated towards oneself.

The pursuit of worldly goals needs to be aligned to universal values for it to be meaningful and fulfilling

The universal values could be service, devotion, love, faith, upliftment of others, etc. Comfort to the weary. Care for the uncared for. Love to the loveless.

The principle seems to be - that which you wish to have for yourself, become the channel for another to have that.

If you want to fulfill meaningful goals, make it your purpose to uplift others in reaching theirs.

Give whatever you wish to receive but without expectation or attachment. Not to 'hack' some kind of cosmic lottery, but out the will to find the spirit of inner greatness that lies within each one. Hope that helps

There is a very nice book you might like - Success is For You - Dr David R Hawkins. It's very simple compared to all these cool 'success' books - almost dated in its language. But the principles are timeless.

Not in the same boat, but have you thought of volunteering? Volunteer your time, something that takes effort, like serving the homeless at soup kitchen or a poor hospital or mentoring a poor school with their STEM program. Helping others with your time and energy can very rewarding. Best of luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.

I can recommend On the Happy Life by Seneca if you're into that kinda stuff 🤙

You may be confusing your financial motivation with intrinsic motivation. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you can't do better than your most financially successful product. There is always something more interesting, more beautiful, more risky to build. And now it's your job to do that.

Once you exit the rat race you may not initially realize that you were never really doing it just for the money. You just simply cannot do good work with that mindset.

Simple answer: keep doing what you love most. ignore meme-grade societal influence

I wonder if one thing that could help is to pick a new challenge - a difficult, quite elemental challenge - that has a long time-horizon. I'm a gamer by nature, and two muses that I fall back on often are rock climbing and brazilian jiu-jitsu. Both have a strong element of problem-solving, a highly physical element that makes me feel alive and powerful within myself and - especially with ~10 years to black belt in BJJ - have a long time horizon of challenge/enjoyment.

These are two hobbies/challenges I fall back on, when life gets grey, to get myself back on a happy level again - hopefully they could do something for you too (although I'm mindful that this advice may not be the most helpful at the moment, depending on your country's lockdown situation)

The goal won't make you happy. The walk to reach it can make you happy if you do what you want to do. It means that you always need, all your life, to have goals.

I doubt that somebody will ever reach the point of "perfect happiness". It doesn't exist. Life is interesting because of the high points and the low. So here's my advice: continue to create, continue to fail, and continue to improve. Try to appreciate it each part of the journey.

We're all blessed here because we can spend our time in the roller coaster of creation.

You can't always be happy. For me the secret is to accept that I have days where I am sad and remember that they always pass. If you are always happy, then that becomes the new baseline so you are always "normal", not happy, not sad.

Also, it's true what they say that money doesn't bring happiness, but it gives you freedom and time to spend how you wish. If you like creating, just create. Instead of focusing on earnings I prefer to focus on product quality. The goal is to make an amazing product that others have a good experience using.

Trying to make the best X is a lot more rewarding than trying to make the X that makes the most money.

Wow I'd never considered this. I'm a gamer by heart but since I started building my Game Engine, they bore me sooner rather than later. I start one and leave it. Like each was some kind of discovery experience and after I figured out the "magic" I'm done.

I guess I'm lucky that a Game Engine is an endless endeavor after all. I don't intend to quit so I'll probably gonna be building this thing or games for it for the rest of my life 😂

Maybe that's what you need? An endless endeavor?

"One thing I realised is that, I've stopped meetings friends, going out with my family, being social. I feel like I've built a home where I'm very comfortable and would rather watch TV or play games. This obviously is bad for my health and it's evident in the pounds I've gained in the last couple of months."

I think it's because all these new expenses are new to you and your still getting settled in. It doesn't really have anything to do with how much your making per month from your indie hacker success.

Once time has passed, all those luxuries will still be nice but they won't be something to prevent you from hanging with your friends and family. I'm NOwhere near making as much money as you and over time i've gotten the exact same stuff you've gotten. If having these new toys are new to you then that probably means you grew up while usually not being able to get the things you want when you want. Now you can. You'll get use to it and resume your social life sooner or later.

time to devote yourself in the service of others and seek or self-realization or at least look for higher meaning in life

Try surfing when the water gets a bit warmer.

When you're out at sea, bobbing on your board, nothing but you and billions of tons of water that you're attempting to harness the power of - never fails to put everything into perspective.

In all seriousness, best of luck to you - I'm sure you'll find your fire again :)

I've seen that this issue have many people who are financially independent and retired early (check subreddit fire).
My goal for financial independence is to gain time which I can use for spiritual development.
Essentially nothing will give you permanent satisfaction in your life, once you will realise it, it will be easier and you will be happier.

Sounds a little bit spiritualistic, but that's a truth. You can read more about it here http://puredhamma.net/

Sounds like you can relate a lot to what Chamath says in this podcast:

https://www.vox.com/podcasts/2019/3/4/18247010/chamath-palihapitiya-social-capital-happiness-identity-crisis-kara-swisher-teddy-schleifer-podcast

Sending good thoughts! :)

There are probably two ways you are able to get happy again:

1. keep being the venture guy and go for a bigger venture. ramp up that passive income and make the world a better place with this money for your kids. i know you love them because you told us.
2. change your mind and stop being a venture guy. stop going for goals. live in the moment. there is a book called "power of now" which could help you out with this mindset. with this mindset you will go back to being more social, enjoying your ps5 and even going for a walk.

Both are valid. No route is better than the other, they are just different :)

I felt the same way for years. Chasing one thing after the other. This is a race you can't win and will never lead to true liberation and happiness. What changed my life was daily meditation. Read "Mindfulness in plain English", it's an amazing primer.

If your destiny is to find and solve problems, why don't you wear a freelance consultant hat? No risks on your side, gives food for thought and and probably easy to find as you've - haven't you? - built relationships with customers when building/selling your past ventures

Hello,

I'm not in the same boat, I have never been financial independent but that's my goal. And because it's such a clear milestone I do fear what you are going through because you are not the first one.

These are a few things I think about:

When I'm at your level, I have reached the first level of financial independence, it's good, it's really good, but it's also precarious. There's a process of diversification so that if something goes wrong I still have other sources of financial independence. And that process is not only good, it's also fun. On my spare time I'm interested in property, but there are many other investments and ideas to pursue.

I think you also need to be tolerant and forgiving to yourself. We are in the middle of a pandemic, everybody is suffering, a lot of people are depressed at home watching TV.

At this point, what are your next goals?

Are you fit? Could you be fitter? Could you be healthier and extend your life? Are you in a happy relationship? Could it be better? Do you feel strongly about anything in the world? Anything you want to change or improve? Do you have a bucket list? a to-read list? are you reading as much as you want? do you need professional help from a therapist of psychiatrist?

Lastly... I can feel quite a bit of pain through your post. I'm here if you need to talk privately. My contact details are in my profile.